I invited a channeler to come to my house so that I may gain some further wisdom, understanding about life! Why I'm here! As I sat and listened it all made total sense to me what I was hearing. Then I got to ask her a question, so I asked, "with all my choices for consciousness teaching where should i focus?" I have work still to do is what they told me, I have two blocks still to untwine, one was " a belief in that I'm not supported" another was " a fear of money". Or rather a misunderstanding of success where it relates to money, ie more money more success and that is simply not true. this is a narrow view of success.
As far as the feeling of not supported you see I was having trouble with my apple technology and every time I asked for help it just made me feel stupid! I wondered where this belief came from? Why couldn't I retain what people told me? As I asked the questions for clarity the more stupid I felt, I wondered where was this shame coming from, what was really happening? It came to me, the more I asked for help and didn't understand the more my partner felt like it was his fault, he raised his voice thinking it would help but I didn't see it that way? It shut me down, making me retreat, ie not safe.
I gained some clarity around this, you see my father used to tell my mother she was stupid, he always said stupid women to her, he would raise his voice, I didn't like it. So guess what I developed this fear of asking for help too, I didn't want to be yelled at, I didn't want to feel stupid? Bullied.
I was a computer analyst, I know this stuff, what is the matter with me? Why can't I retain this information? As I sat in the process of flushing myself out I observed where this wound came from. My daughter was there she was able to hold the space for healing, my safe harbour, once my partner realized that I wasn't blaming him he too was able to hold the space for me. I knew I needed to expose myself, I needed to flush myself out. I was done with this wound. I really believe if I hadn't had the channeler this day I wouldn't have been so determined to expose myself.
You see we are generally afraid of our wounds, believing that someone else is causing them. In truth it's our choice not to heal them. We are afraid, we are afraid of our emotions. My hope is that one day we will understand that how we act is not who we are, we act from our conditioning, our wounds. How we want to live is from our truths, once we flush out all our wounds we can begin to really live!